I've cried myself to sleep as I recalled what had happened the other night. I was consumed by my blames and my what if's. I know it's more traumatic on his part. He who had lost all his belongings. He who has to start from scratch.
I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to make him feel okay, how to lessen his miseries. I'm helping him, encouraging him but it seems that the depression enveloping his entire being makes it more difficult for me to enter his territory. I promised him that I won't leave him and I'm fulfilling that promise because I can't bear to see him in that situation -- devastated. I know what he had lost are things that can be replaced but the mere fact that he did everything to gain them makes it harder to accept that they were gone.
I just wish I was able to catch the culprit. Or I was able to see him and have him jailed. Or I wish that it was me whose things were stolen. Or I just wish that I was hurt for wounds will heal eventually. I rather suffer from that wound rather than see his agony because that hurts more. I can not stand to see him like that. I just can't. It makes me weak. It makes me cry. It makes want to hug him and be with him forever so that I can somehow ease his sufferings. It will take time before he can be okay. It will take time before he will return to his normal state. And I just have to understand him. Console him. Uplift his feelings that this traumatic experience will go away soon.
Why him? I'm not the one who had lost his valuables but it's killing me because he is hurting. I love him so much that I want to carry his despair, his agony. Sana ako na lang.
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